Things I thought would never remember to miss

I was thinking today about the simple joys of my childhood. Things that shaped (perhaps warped) me

Joys, that haven't proven to cause cancer yet:

Hunting in the local woods (not with bows, guns or .... any weapon... more of an imaginary hunt.... Like an adventurous trek. I remember once me and Pam Gill (real name, because I think she's married and I haven't seen we were kids) Anyway, Me and Pam were digging in random areas in the woods behind our house trying to find treasure and we starting coming up with pieces of dishes! We went running to her house to show her mother, --fancying ourselves quite the archaeologists-- and her mother explained that the property used to be an old farm house... and we probably found the dump... that didn't dampen our enthusiasm... because at that age (perhaps 10?) we believed that someone might mistakenly dump a priceless heirloom or chest filled with gold coins... We set out to dig to China. We got about 2 inches closer to the other side of the planet, before we called it quits and went to go catch salamanders in the stream)

Riding Bicycles - My neighborhood seemed huge to me. It was a big circular development. But my initial frame of reference was basically the houses in our immediate vicinity. Then... I got my wheels. I was queen of the road (or sidewalk depending on whether there was a game of kick ball going on in the road ahead) HA HA One day, whilst enjoying the wind blowing through my hair and the feel of the road under my pedals, I remember coming down the hill and seeing a game up ahead I decided to take to the sidewalk. I was deciding which driveway to enter the sidewalk, (as some of the driveways were not too gently an incline or bump onto the sidewalk) I waited too long to make up my mind and at the last minute decided to hand a right and SLAMMED right into a mailbox. --All the kids playing the kickball game stopped and looked at me. I picked myself up. I picked up my bike. I turned it around and went back the way I came.

Mr. Glawalki - He used to walk his St. Bernard... what was that dog's name? hmmmmm Anyway, if you were a kid... and you walked with him, he would throw money in the air and pretend it was raining money... ha ha ha ha ha We'd walk up the hill and all of a sudden you would hear the tinkle tinkle tink of change hitting the sidewalk... we would scramble around trying to find it! Every kid on the block would go running to walk the dog with Mr. Glawalki

Chuckles - The Green Yellow Red sugar coated gelatin candy. These are really only found in movie theaters... They used to be more popular... but I haven't seen them lately

Gob Stoppers and Jaw Breakers - What were my parents thinking? I wouldn't let that little round stone within 5 feet of my kids... and I remember walking 3 miles to the general store when we were on vacation in Maine JUST to get a bag of candy comprised primarily of Gob Stoppers and jaw breakers, with a healthy smattering of bazooka Joe Bubble Gum.

Why all the reminiscing? Birthday Blues? New Year? Nope. It was all about the chuckles

I just had myself a pseudo-chuckle, a chuckle-chuck-a-like and I thought WHERE.... WHERE have all the good times gone? And that brought me down memory lane.

I spared you the bowling alley escapades, the skiing follies and my Mall Rat Years. Those little gems are best kept .... in the scrap book in my mind. Especially the Mall Rat Years.

Anyway, I hope this entry brought to mind something that you never thought you would forget but hadn't thought about in some time... and I hope that was pleasant. ha ha ha ha ha ah aha

Have a great day!

Rat-Scallion

Welcome to the Year of the Rat!

The Rat (鼠) was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and bringer of material prosperity. It is an animal associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order, yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and atrocities. In the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of the Rat is associated with the earthly branch symbol 子.

OK, you caught me.... it's actually rapscallion .... not Ratscallion... but as is the words definition... I am a rascal! HA HA HA HA HA

I was just reading the news in the world. Lots of blood, unmeasurable pain and sadness. So, after reading about all of the assassinations in Pakistan and Sri Lanka, the riots in Africa, the terror bombs in India, the failed hostage release from the FARC, I'm glad to be who I am, where I am, I'm glad the blood in my life is limited to cuts and scratches from my growing children, the riots are over unshared toys and the only bombs in my house are limited to the lavatory... (Of course, Rosie the Wonder dog is in charge of the hostages... And although she is very good about releasing.... the hostages do not usually come through unscathed)

And so without further adeu, I urge you to enjoy your life! Your Year! Your Family! Your Dog! Your House! Your Apartment! Your Job! Your Neighbor (but not too much if he/she is married)! Your co-workers! Your Coffee!

Here's some things to look forward to...

1. Spring is only 12 weeks away! (starts 3/20/08)
2. This year is a LEAP YEAR! (Good news for all of those February 29th babies)
3. First day of Summery June 21st, is only 20 weeks away!
4. If you lose 2 pounds a week, from now until June 21st, you will have lost 40 pounds
5. Likewise, if you lose 1 pound a week from now until June 21st... duh.... that's 20 pounds
6. Here's a link to see what 200 calories looks like: http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-200-calories-look-like.htm

Here are some interesting facts...

1. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there
2. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes
3. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
4. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
5. Turtles can breathe through their butts
6. No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH.'
7. The electric chair was invented by a dentist
8. A University of Arizona study of public restrooms found that the stall closest to the door was consistently the least used and therefore the lowest levels of bacteria
9. If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
10. Nondairy creamer is flammable

Here are some great words to try to work into your everyday conversation...

1. Radscallion - rascal
2. Ruffian - bully
3. Balderdash - Nonsence
4. Outlandish - bizarre
5. Lamebrain - fool
6. Reckless - unthinking boldness
7. Hankering - craving
8. Gangling - awkward
9. Sojourn - visit
10. Bedfellow - friend
11. Humdinger - funny

Life is good! Have a humdinger of a day!

Fire Fire Fire

YUP. That's right, our little cottage by the lake had a little itsy bitsy fire.

It was like something out of a macabe National Lampoons something-or-other.

From the moment the kids woke up at 5:00am to the second they were asleep at 7:30 pm, my girls were a whiny mass of hysterical humanity.

The 4 year old who's legs apparently, no longer worked and she had endentured her 3 year old sister into servitude, which didn't go over well with the 3 year old. That coupled with my 6 year old with her persistent and non-stop questions, comments and commands....they were wearing me down before my first pot of coffee was even cold.

It was a two pot day.

I'd like to say that the day started off like no other, but if all my days were like yesterday I wouldn't be long for this world. You would find me wandering somewhere drooling out of the corner of my mouth as I muttered, "Stop hitting your sister" or "Get that toy outta the dogs mouth"

So, knowing that yesterday would be a challenge, I found an activity in my handy dandy KIDS FUN2007-2008 coupon book and decided to take the kids to the Roller Rink.

That's right folks. Roller skating. It's been a GOOOOOOOOOOOD 20 - 25 years since I was roller skating and I had to call the rink to make sure they had the old 4 wheeled gems, instead of the inline skates. (Does anyone remember when the wheels were made out of a clay like material? Remember when Polyurethane just came out?) OK...

Turns out, the kids couldn't turn off the whine/arguing/crying/complaining... and I put the kabosh on the outing. Of course, the decibel of crying increased 10 fold for about 10 minutes until they realized that wasn't going to get them out the door to the roller rink. They switched strategies... for like a second .....behaved.

I decided to spend the day taking down the Christmas tree and other decorations. (For those of you that haven't seen my tree or house, the tree had mostly plastic ornaments (due to the age of my children) and LOTS of lights with lights strung around the room and over the windows... very festive) My kids are young enough to appreciate the truly gaudy things in life! Oh, to be young again!

I thought I had all the lights off the tree but when I pulled the tree away from the wall, I pulled another set of lights that I had wound around the nativity scene and snow globes on the fire place mantel..... SMASH... there goes my 6 year olds newest musical snow globe. Water, Glitter, Glass all over the floor.

I swept. I wiped. I rolled up the area rug and brought it outside. I mopped. I was almost done.

There were tears. There were apologies and for like 3 hours... she said to me in a teary voice, "It's ok Mommy, I know you didn't mean to break my brand new Snow globe that Grandma got me for Christmas this year that makes music... which is my favorite song"

I plugged in my vacuum. It didn't work.

I plugged it into another outlet. It didn't work.

I turned the corner and plugged it into another outlet... returned to my vacuum and turned it on... and it kind of turned on.

It started, but really really slow, then my 4 year old started yelling... "FIRE! FIRE!"

I turned the corner to see orange flames coming out of the outlet, licking the walls about 2-3 inches above the outlet.

I yanked out the cord, and the fire stopped.

Pretty exciting stuff.

My brother in law came over with his electrical stuff and we figured out which breaker/fuse controlled the power to that outlet and we turned it off. He extracted the prong from the vacuum plug that was left behind when I pulled out the cord and he found that the outlet wasn't grounded. In fact, he found that the electrical box was plastic and it wasn't grounded. "That" we thought, "Might be why the breaker didn't go but instead we got a fire"

AND OF COURSE, We ain't no electricians, so I called our electrician who is probably on a long holiday, and we are using battery operated lanterns and extension cords for the wee hours for the areas of the house that are now without power.

Let me tell you, the kids are having a good time. We went to Walmart yesterday evening, to get our flashlights and my 6 year old picked out a little one that straps to her forehead! HA HA HA HA HA

She is walking around like she is going spalunking in a dark cave! HA HA HA

OH, the best is that Walmart had batting helmets (you know the kind they use at batting cages or for little league) and they had 3 pink ones that were on sale for $3.00 each. So, my girls are all walking around with these pink helmets on this morning, carrying their battery operated coleman lanterns... except for my 6 year old who is wearing roller skates, her spalunking forehead flashlight AND her pink helmet! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH

It's 6:55, now and the kids and I have been up about an hour... the sun is due to rise at 7:22AM.... I think I will pack them up and take them all grocery shopping! That should kill some time before the sunrises! HA HA HA HA

Their father is coming to visit them today, so that will give me some more time to finish cleaning up the christmas decorations and what not.

AND that... was yesterday.

Well, there was more... like, we went to the playground for an hour
my friend M and her ward came over to play and accompanied us to Walmart
my sister and her kids came over and.....

Rosie the Wonder Dog, true to her nature... and with the speed of light snatched a game piece from my neices new game of Trouble. While we were all looking for the piece on the floor under the table, Rosie was in the livingroom exploring it with her teeth. My sister found the piece later as they were packing up their stuff to leave.

Here is the new mantra for cleaning up: "If you don't pick that up, Rosie is going to get it!" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Have a Happy New Year!

Anyone have any New Year Resolutions?


Did I tell you......that my Ex-Husband, now "misses me & the kids" This was written in the card he gave me for Christmas... with a $500.00 gift card to me. He also gave me clothes, boots, a new winter jacket and other gifts. (of totally unappropriate proportions) -(note: I gave him 5 framed pictures of the kids, and they were "from the kids") Anyway, I used the gift card to purchase a Stationary Recumbent Bike. That will go hand in hand with my new water drinking routine... and I'm going to be the healthiest 43 year old on the planet... ok, maybe..... just the healthiest 43 year old.... in my house.

Well, it's now almost 7:00. I'd better get drinking my coffee... ha ha ha ha ha

Have a great New Years!
Happy Holidays

Well well well... Budd fell in the well?

NO! It's.... Could it be.... Why yes.... based on the following tasteless picture... I do believe, and you will agree.... that













Scary Hobo Clown is back in town

And he's with his babe! Butterfly Barbie! HAW HAW HAW

(How do you like my new laugh? I have stolen it from Bruce, it's not as easy to type as HA HA HA HA HA... but not as insipid as LOL - pause to look up insipid on webster.com - I'll take definition #2 Chuck, for $500. -- 2 : lacking in qualities that interest, stimulate, or challenge : dull, flat )

So, this weekend was the family christmas party, lots of fun. I left a little late. Not chronologically late, I mean I waited a little too long to leave and was unable to avoid the melt down....... times 3! It started with the 3 year old, and morphed into a full out triple torrent (yes, in case you are wondering I still have webster.com open... as well as thesaurus.com... haw haw haw)

So, I exited the party, with three screaming, crying children... who.... were asleep before I hit the end of the driveway! lucky me. THEN... I got to thinking. I seem to be the first one to leave all the time, I wonder if they were talking about me.... Then I got to thinking more... who cares, 'cause .... I'm the one with the blog! HAW HAW HAW --ok, I'm done with the HAW HAW... I'm going back to HA HA... because it sounds better in my head when I type it

Couple of funny things.

First, funny... at the company holiday party, I had my digital camera. I took a ton of pictures of the guests. One of the couples were our companies sales reps from Panasonic. They were a cute couple and I took a picture of them. It was nice and I displayed it for them on the LCD of my camera and said, "Look at this great picture I took of you.... You could use it for Christmas cards"

They looked at my camera..... they looked closer at my camera, I shoved it in their faces and said, "Really, it's a great picture for your holiday cards"... they laughed a little embarrassed laugh and tried to escape from me.... I really really wanted confirmation that it was a great picture and I shoved it in their faces again, until finally the guy turned to steer his wife away and said, "I don't think our family would appreciate a naked barbie doll on the holiday cards.."

Slowly I turned the camera towards myself and saw.....








HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH --- OH MAN..... I burst out laughing and went around telling everyone else the story and showing the picture... 'cause I thought that was so funny... then I noticed there were a number of people really avoiding me! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I followed them a bit, trying to explain about the blog, and Rosie and all.... I honestly did you know about how I was collecting debris for the next photo montage of my dogs toy destruction... but it fell on dead ears. OH, tooooooo funny!

Yesterday I created my final Christmas Masterpiece.... a lovely ensemble of ingenuity and elegance....

Realizing that my friends Mary and Jane wouldn't appreciate the Gift in a Jar of Taco Chili bean Soup, or the Home Made Granola (I like to call Natures Broom) I had an epiphany. I said to myself, "Self, what does your friend Mary like?" The answer..... "Likes herself a nice bottle of wine" So..... I went to Micheals Arts and Crafts.... procured tiny little swarovski crystals and glass paint, and I hand painted them some festive sparkly wine glasses.... I am sooooo proud of myself.

Of course, you should have seen me.

First, I downloaded my inspiration which was a very intricate and beautiful hand painted wineglass by some artist in California... and after the first brush stroke on the glass... I realized .... I was no artist.... So, I basically took the festive colored paint and dotted all the glasses and glued the crystal in among the dots... THUS.... making the glass sparkly and festive! Very Very nice.

NOW.... I did some research on the glass paints.. and it is pretty funny that the paints say: "Has been found in California to cause birth defects" Yeah, funny right. Only in California! HA HA HA HA Well.... I'm not in California, now am I... ha ha ha Anyway, I didn't paint up to the point where someones lips would come in contact with the paint, and I didn't paint the inside of the cup, so I think... we will be ok. AND... According to everything I have read, these beauties will be gorgeous for years to come, provided they are hand washed.

Pictures? nope. I already wrapped them. BUT I will tell you this.... Mary is scared. I told her I just wrapped her gift and she said, "Oh, you didn't have to get me anything..." To which I replied, "I didn't buy you anything... I made you something"

silence

silence

silence

Breaking the silence I said, "And it doesn't contain oatmeal or beans..." She brightened up, but is still scared.

Today is Christmas Eve. The kids are very excited. I love Christmas. My ex-husband will be coming over in the morning to dispense his gifts, then hopefully he will be hitting the road pretty early. AND..... in 1 week. I will officially be.... 1 year older.. Let me see. I have to recalculate my age.... Hmmmmmmmm officially I'll be 43. However, since I don't feel a day over 33... ok, Maybe I feel a day over, especially when I have to go up and down a flight of stairs several times, like I did when I had to hide all of the wrapped Christmas gifts... but other than that ... I don't feel 43. AND.... I don't look 43... if I'm standing 20 feet away... with the sun behind me..... so bright you have to squint to see me... and I'm wearing a baseball hat......... and sunglasses... under the right conditions.... I'm a real hot babe!

OK... that's about it. Today I am going to try to dodge the "cold bullet" that has pierced my anti-bacterial/Tylenol stronghold. All three kids woke up this morning with slight fevers and runny noses... Well, actually my youngest (aka The Snot Bullet) has been liquid for several days. The other 2 just manifested this morning. Well, that isn't going to stop me from my Christmas Eve festivities. nope.

Have happy holidays!
Hugs all around

Wheel Chock

Well, if you are reading these entries in order, this will only be funny after you read the entry immediately following... and then only if you read the WHOLE ENTIRE ENTRY

The banana bread was so dense and had to cook so long that by the time it was done, I could have used it to chock my car parked on a 90degree angle... no problem.

HOWEVER, I snuck the secret ingredient into the Quaker Oats Oatmeal Cookie recipe... and turned it into granola (because as cookies, they were too moist, but when cooked longer they crumpled into a tasty treat)

OH YEAH, I'm a maniac... (not a flash dance kind... more of a betty crocker on caffeine kind)

PLUS.... I downloaded the BEST sugar/butter cooky recipe on the planet. OH, it was awesome, didn't have any exotic ingredients and it tasted better.... are you sitting down... tasted better than ANYTHING Pepridge farms is putting out... and as you know, they are the Gold Standard for cookies, because: They Remember.

OK, gotta go!
Hugs

Long Time No Hear... No hear... cause no write

Well, I didn't lose you when I came over from the dark side... I have probably lost you by my failure to keep you updated.

First of all, I have decided that I might be a little, tinsy winsy bit melancholy. I can't explain any other reason for my complete and total aversion to showers on the weekends. (ha ha) Unlike my single parent friends with small children, I am not reluctant to leave my house in my smelly 2 day old condition... I embark on great adventures leaving a path of reek..

Well, atleast I suspect I do... because as you all know... you really can't smell yourself... and if it ever gets to the point where you can... even if it's just a whiff... you know it's bad. I think it's the same theory for perfume. You know, how you smell your perfume as it wafts towards you in the atomized cloud, but as soon as it lands... nothin

Unless of course, you are the my ex-husband, who conquered that particular physics anomoly by using the 6 squirt method. YUP, 6 full squirts of whatever you got... and himself and 1/2 the country can smell him coming.

Ahhhh but I digress. Back to the showerlessness which I have come into. So, not long ago me and my friend Mary would comparing our inability to shower with the responsibilities of the little ones constantly pulling us away.... away.... away.... from personal hygiene... and she thought she had me. She did. she has slept in her clothes and worn them 2 days running, her hair (which is great for refrying) looked like she used Mayonaise as a shampoo and her feet were dedicated to her slippers, like a seagul to the ocean.

I trumped her.

HOW?

I went food shopping! THEN, I went to Kohls, THEN I went to Walmart (where I'm sure if I had had a tin cup I could have made a dime in charitible contributions) Yes, my friends. It's this wonton disregard for what other people think (although not totally, since I did have the grace enough to cover my head with a baseball cap) .... (special note to self: look up wonton to make sure it's the correct spelling and I am not referring to a great cup of soup)... OK... let me rephrase...

Yes, my friends, its this WANTON disregard for what other people think that has led me down this path of self evaluation. THAT and the realization that my friend Mary probably took a shower this weekend, because A) someone was watching her ward for her... and B) she went on "sort of" a date. Nothing like having a date to get a girl in the shower.

Besides my propensity for the derelict look, nothing much is going on but CHRISTMAS shopping. Yesterday I spent 2 hours wrapping gifts. Honestly, if I could give these kids the world... I would. However, I am mindful A) that I have no money B) that giving them everything doesn't do them any favors.

With that in mind, I was careful not to overindulge and this year, I didn't get them so many similar things. Last year, I tried to keep harmony by getting them all the same stuff, thinking no arguments would ensue... and although that is true, it didn't exactly work as planned.

OK.... Speaking of my lovely little urchins... they are ALL demanding immediate attention... and requesting I check the status of the banana bread in the oven.

Yesterday whilst food shopping I purchased babyfood. stage 3 carrots. I am goign to start sneaking them into things I cook.. if I can. Today, I snuck some into the banana bread. I think it will be ok. I'll let you know.

A Morning Epiphany

This morning. I almost teared up when my three year old daughter knocked on the bathroom door before going in.

You might think that's silly, stupid or perhaps you are struggling to understand why that would get me all mushy... Come on people. Knocking on the bathroom door... that's a big girl move. It shows me that she is thinking about people and things other than herself.

Yup my baby isn't a baby anymore... So.... no I have to work on the "baby weight" ... ha ha ha ha ha ha I suppose with my youngest 3.5 years old... my excuses are dwindling... sigh....

Let's just flash back to the "black coffee" moments in my life! NOoooooo!!!!!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well, the lights are up. The tree is up. The house smells like Christmas, I have 1/2 the presents wrapped. It's great! Of course, it would be better if I was independantly wealthy... then I could spend more time with the kids and not have to rush around and worry about bills... but hey! Life's not THAT great... right? NO one has it THAT good.... (daydream sequence....-30 minutes later-)

Let's focus on things that we are thankful for.... as opposed to Brad Pitt (sigh)...

So here it is! The First Annual - List of things I am thankful for!

Follow this link to my latest greatest survey...

THINGS FOR WHICH I AM THANKFUL!