FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY... Must see

Here's the link... I hope the link lasts...
It's the top 10 cool things that make you look uncool

http://www.holytaco.com/2008/05/14/10-items-you-think-make-you-cool-but-dont/?redux

I'm a Freak on Wheels!

So it started with the walk in the woods and my paranoia that one of my kids would go toppling over the edge of the not so steep but very rocky edge... the feeling that since I didn't actually buckle two of my kids into the other mini-van somehow I may have managed to leave one behind...

but that wasn't it... oh no.... The fact that every time I looked around to count 3 little heads I could only ever easily find 2. Nope that wasn't it.

It was leaving the party first... and having the distinct feeling that ... Now they were all going to talk about me! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Well, isn't that what family is for? I know I like myself a little .... twitter! HA HA HA HA HA H

I NEED TO RELAX.... in an area where I can see all three kids! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

FRANKIE SAYS RELAX

We now have 3 new fish, Lucky, Popsi, Cupid. (the fish are compliments of their father)
I pulled out the old fish tank that had FroggieFrogFrogger and found a HUGE crack in the bottom. So... I told TF (Their Father) that he would need to pick up a tank, he CLAIMS he will be dropping one off today. Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Lucky, Popsi and Cupid spent several hours in their PetCo bag before I dumped them, into their temporary home.... A margarita pitcher.

I put them in their new home at about 2:00am.... when I woke up to my littlest... vomiting (ah the joys of motherhood) - I suspect too many smores by the campfire last night.

So, I got the Little One nestled in my bed all cleaned up, and I put the fish in their temporary condo... My Oldest woke up this morning to find.... ONLY ONE FISH IN THE PITCHER.

Oooopppsssss

They tried to free themselves of the silvery bonds of the .... pitcher And I Found Lucky and Cupid on the floor.

I dumped them in... and the splash resuscitated cupid immediately... Lucky, well, let's just say he is swimming now.... primarily in circles.

Today is Memorial Day! Let the Summer Begin!

Have a great day! Hope you have nice weather! And B..... you NEED a barbecue!

Twitterific

I like it... I don't like it.

The whole twitter thing is an interesting little waste of time. sort of.

The cool thing is that you can be followed by people, unlike IM... when being followed is like... being stalked! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Which if you are stalking ... twitter is a great tool, both to find out about your stalkee... and to track your stalking time.

THEN.... THEN.... OH THEN FRIENDS... I went to the twitter downloads section (because I had a half a second that wasn't taken up raising a family and earning money to do same) AND... there

There were the tools that I needed to add a twitter to my life!

What do they call them.... WIDGETS... That's what I need... A small screen open all the time that will allow me to follow my quary... cough cough... I mean friends whenever they twitter.

That's what I'm talking about.

So far, I have missed my IP (that's important people) by no less than 6 hours, because I simply can't twitter instantaneously. But NOW.... Now... Now I can. Well, at least I will be able to when I break through my work firewall and download the application that I need.

Oh this is going to be great!

Have a nice day

I'm being followed by 4 people! oooohhhhh

The Twitter.... A Micro Blog

Attention all readers... there's a new dog in town and his name is Twitter...

So far, I haven't seen the value... but I've invited my nearest and dearest and we shall see... we shall see...

It looks like, you keep the screen up and logged in and whenever the whim moves the blogger they enter in a sentence or two.

Seems more like a time management tool... except if you are being stalked or on a stake out. I can see the value and the fun of reading a sentence at a time of what someone wants to write.

If you are interested in trying it out.... you go to http://twitter.com/ and sign up. Then you can follow someone or you can micro blog and people can follow up.

Attention friends at http://dysfunctional-office.blogspot.com/ I highly recommend you talk Bucky into signing up, tell him he can keep tracking of his "training" efforts... and you and I will wait... patiently... for a reference or admission to the Hudson Hamburger theft.

Gotta Go.

By the way... I CRACKED UP. reading the latest escapades at the Dsyfunctional office, and I was sorry to hear that Paris Hilton couldn't make the race... as I was sure that she would give Bucky a run for his money..

Rosie... I think... sigh... I think it's time to let go the loss of your hamburger. He is never going to admit it... and although it may not be safe to put another burger in that situation, perhap you can try a lesser burger... sometime like. White Castle.

have a great day!

70 lbs of laundry

Not 20 pounds, not even 30 pounds... I have an overflowing contractor bag with 70 pounds of laundry.

My "one load a day" counselor M Coll. P.L, D.M.D. (that's Professor of Laundry and Doctor of Modern Detergent)

Dr. Coll has advised me to catch up quick with a quick fix at the local wash and fold. I googled them last night, but they didn't answer. I figured they were a 24 hour operation, especially if they had the likes of me as a customer.

I couldn't figure out how they could make any money by only charging the legendary $30.00 for a huge bag of laundry.

There..... There my friends is the issue. The phrase: Huge Bag of Laundry is relative.

Relative to height
Relative to upper body strength

Dr. Coll.... is a wee woman, although I have seen her lift her end of a coupla pieces of sheet rock, she doesn't make a living lifting a sledge hammer.
OK, I don't' either, but I got a good 2 feet in height on Dr. Coll... and the upper body strength that comes from 10 years of manual steering on my Jeep wrangler, and lifting three kids.

So... when I advised Dr. Coll that my bag of laundry was literally 70 lbs, she said, "Oh hush dear, it just feels that heavy. You just take that little bag to the wash and fold and pay your $30.00 dollars and call it a mothers day gift!"

Since the bag stuffed full (did I mention it was a contractor bag, I could fit a couple of ex-husbands in there... even more if they were conscious and standing up) --- pause--- I ponder whether I should leave that macabre comment in.... yup. over it. ---unpause---

First, I attempted to find out what the going rate for the local Wash n Fold is. I googled and found it's between $1.15 and $2.75 a pound, depending on what state you are attempting to get out of washing and folding your wash.

Then I weighed myself, then I weighed my bag.

That bag of laundry is a cooollll 72 lbs.

Hmmmmmmmm I don't think I'm going to find a wash n fold that'll do it for $30.00.

Perhaps, if I wash, and all they have to do is fold! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I am going to bring this up to Dr. Coll during my next session.

(side note: I offered my brother $50.00, to wash n fold... didn't go over well. Like I always say, you don't know until you ask!... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)

Have a great day!

Clutter Experts & Nannys

First of all... what's the difference between a Nanny and a babysitter, can someone tell me. I'd like to call the woman I hired for the summer a Nanny, because I'm certainly paying her enough to warrant such a nice title... but I think... a Nanny is really a babysitter... EXCEPT if you are super Nanny. (not to be confused with Supper Nanny - which was what I originally typed)

AND... although my children are not incorrigible, they do like to burst out into song and dance and skip infront of mirrors at most available instances.... Do I need a Super Nanny?

Well.... as it turns out, I may just have found myself a Super Nanny... because, my new Nanny is a Clutter Expert. In her own words, she helps people eliminate their emotional attachments to their clutter! HA HA HA HA HA HA

So... She isn't actually a professional Clutter Expert, she is more like someone that helps her friends.. and all her friends have been telling her she could get paid for that. Well... She can't start that business until AFTER the summer... but keep tuned, she may be using me as her first publized client and you can bet your bottom dollar I will post the clip on YouTube.

Well that is if I can afford to get my camera repaired!

Let's see...

Today is Mothers Day. My EX picked up the kids yesterday and took them to walmart where they bought me a nice assortment of colorful flowers to celebrate today's holiday. AND cards, they all got me mothers day cards.

My oldest daughter got me a gift and wrapped it in tinfoil... it's so cute. The gift is suspiciously shaped like a gardening shovel... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

AND... as you know my brother is living upstairs.

Things I hope he has learned from living here:
1. It's ok to go shirtless if...
You are on the beach
You are chopping/splitting wood
You are in the privacy of your house or sunbathing in your yard (this does not include light gardening in May or strolling around to meet the neighbors, exceptions would include mowing the lawn in July.)

2. Before you do something, ask yourself - What would I think if I saw my neighbor doing that?
For instance, what would I think if I saw my neighbor in a bikini shaving her legs... is kind of like seeing you shirtless shaving your head and trimming your beard. Both things... no one needs to see. What is it with guys... my EX used clip his toenails on the front stoop...

3. Number one item on your list of any list you create .... is ASK FIRST. It is a proven fact, if you are a guy, living in a house full of women, your priorities aren't going to come CLOSE to the priorities of those with whom you reside. You can't get hurt... if you ask first. EVEN if you have already prepared your list.... Keep it to yourself. Make it like, you are asking first.

4. Finally, Barter is fine for family, but the rest of the planet needs money.

And So... in closing.... I love my brother and he is a tremendous help around the house and yard. I'm glad he's here... and you know me... I'm having a hard time not starting a new blog... but then who would read it?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AH AH AHA HA HA HA

Happy mothers day
Have a great day!
Summer is right around the corner!

I survived the walk for the cure

OK, there are a couple of things I can't tell... because I swore that I wouldn't... but I never promised not to name names...Anna Silva

And that's all I have to say about that. I'm not going into the unmentionable detials here... but there's a new name in town (Anna Silva) and well.......

Let me just start with the misrepresentation that her house was conveniently located a mere 3 - 4 blocks from where the race was going to start... and tell you the truth of the matter was.....

We started in her town, walked clear through the next town... and into the following town. Then proceeded about 1 mile into the Park before we even saw any other humans... except for Mary Francis (her real name too... it was too great a name not to really use it) Mary Francis hooked a ride from her husband (who she explained has been complaining all week about having to take a break from hsi regular shopping schedule and drop her off at the walk)

The highlights of the walk.

Highlight Number One: The Down Hill Portions
Highlight Number Two: The Shoprite Grocery Tent
Highlight Number Three: The Cute Fuze Guy that K thinks is Gay, which is probably why I think he's cute, 'cause that is my luck
Highlight Number Four: Finding out that pictures of the race participates will be available online
Highlight Number Five: realizing I was Dead Dog Tired... and it was still early enough in the morning to go home, go back to bed, and get up when most of humanity was just rising for the first time!

and I gotta tell you.... There is NOTHING... I mean NOTHING like spending the day laughing it up with a bunch of friends, even if you gotta walk 5K to do it. (although... ANNA SILVA will try to tell you it's not 5K, it's only 3 - 4 blocks.)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

OH.... Big Event Tip #1) Don't attempt to use the Porta John that is standing by itself in the middle of a field. In fact, make sure you hit the potty before you arrive at "the big event"

Loved the Susan Komen walk for Cancer... I think everyone would go... and I think I can take my car and meet them at the finish line.. you know, like a shuttle. I'll be the Susan Komen Shuttle for Cancer.

Have a great day!

remember: Don't pull a ANNA SILVA!

And so... tomorrow... is finally Friday

I don't know what it is....

The approaching arrival of my parents and the mad rush to clean as if my life depended on it, while my three little urchins appear to conspire to immediately messy behind me. - not unlike an animated cartoon where the cleaner (me)... unaware of the little mess makers behine her (them), peers over her shoulder because she senses a presence... only to find an apparently empty room (but you as the audience know better... in fact, you know where the little mess makers have hidden and chuckle at their shenanigans)

or

The boxes decaying on my deck from my brothers move-in. I love my bro... and honestly, in the scheme of things that are mine to clean, his boxes represent less then 1% of the total shambles, however, the displaced clothing that I moved from upstairs to make more room is causing a problem, and I can't wrap my brain around what it will take to go through the clothing of these children and put away their winter and bring out their summer... sob... sob... I just can't do it

or

I have started working more hours at home, because... I gotta pay the bills, I think I kind of took a mental vacation there for a couple of months and didn't really put in the time I needed to make ends meet and it's catching up... thankfully I can also catch up...

or

Did I mention I really need to clean?

OK... I'm obsessing... right now, I am looking out onto a nice tidy dining room (I just finished cleaning it) and if I close the shades on the sliding glass door 1/2 way I won't even see the boxes all wet and sagging on my deck... I can pretend... for the next 30 minutes, that I am Sue Z. Homemaker.

So.... the Slagboy Saga continues... I can ONLY IMAGINE the story that is circulating in his favorite watering hole... here's the version I got last week.

Him: "Do you want a couch?"
Me:"Why are you getting a new one?" -(knowing he bought a whole new livingroom set when the kids and I left)

Him: "No I'm moving in with my brother and there isn't any room" pause "You can have the couches, the loveseat and ottoman, the wallunit and big screen TV, and I also have some end tables and a trundle bed"
Me: "Are you selling the house?"

Him: "No I'm going to rent it to pay the mortgage"
Me: "Oh, yeah, I'll take it"

OK... that was basically the first conversation, after that I have had several other conversations... In fact, he called me a couple of days later to ask me again, (it sounded as if he had forgot he asked the first time)

So... being the nice person that I am... when he called the other day, I confirmed he hadn't changed his mind or the situation hadn't changed and he said no, so i told him I woudl come down Saturday and bring the kids. He could take them somewhere and do something then bring them back to my house when they are done.

TODAY - I called him. new Story. We can still have the furniture, however, the rental fell through and he wants all the furniture out because he's going to fix up the house. He said, "It's got to go, the house is going" I asked him if he was going to sell it, he said, "I have to"

Now... PEOPLE, this house is in a very popular vacation area.... The type of area that gets between $800.00 - $1000.00 a WEEK in the summer. He could almost pay his mortgage for the year by renting it out weekly in the summer...

So... I mentioned to him about this... he said he didn't want to be bothered with a summer rental, then I reminded him that one of his neighbors is realtor and she would be able to look after the property... AND he said, "He didn't trust realtors" So.... I said, "Are you going to sell the house on your own?" He said he tried that already, he put an ad in the paper.

I shrugged my shoulders at the phone, remembered again how happy I am that it's not my life anymore, and told him I didn't want the furniture if he was going to stay in the hosue because then he wouldn't have anything. He told me, "take it, it's only in the way"

So.... Saturday, we are getting new livingroom furniture.

Sunday is the walk for breast cancer, the kids and I are going to meet M Collkins & Co. EARLY... she CLAIMS that we are to meet at 7:15 am somewhere.... I am VERY VERY DUBIOUS about M. Colkins & Co. being ANYWHERE but FAST ASLEEP at 7:15am..... We shall see.... we shall see.......

And that.... is why, my friends, I am personally going to embrace Friday with the open arms of a long lost friend whence it arrives! I need.... I love.... I crave.... FRIDAY!