This entry contains the OFFH rating - due to language and content

Yeah, here's the catch phrase of the day.

HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS

Only if it were true we were talking about laughter!.... but alas.... we are talking about a 2 stage stomach virus. The first 12 - 24 hours.... it comes up and out.... then the next 3 - 6 days... it's down and out! and it's HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS...

Several lights at the end of the tunnel!!!!!


#1) Stage 1 - COMPLETED

#2) My ex-husband spend several hours with the kids, immediately prior to the the manifestation of the virus. (too subtle? OK OK cross your fingers he calls into work tomorrow with a tummy ache)

Cruel? Mean? YES.... I am all that! BUT THAT WOULD BE F'ING HYSTERICAL!

Yeah, I'm not feeling too charitable.

Earlier today, I had to take a shower (you know the rule, no work.... no shower) That's right, I had to take a shower because I had to take the kids to the Doctor... and since I haven't touched the hair on my legs in about ... hhmmm..... How long ago was September? I thought wearing my stylish cut-off Capri's was out of the question... So, I poured myself into one of the 2 pairs of jeans that actually fit and I nearly ruptured something when I had to sit down to drive.

I SWEAR, I felt my feet start to swell from lack of blood. I may even have ligature marks on my upper thighs.

You know, it's either buy jeans with some elastic, and spend the day doing the "Keep my pants covering my crack" dance. You know it. You've seen it. It is any woman, who was crouching, not so much bending over, but a full crouch.... Then they stand up... Pull up their pants, the thinner of us, can get away with a wiggle, the meatier of us... actually have to give our legs a kick... to wobble the thigh fat into place.

OK... So, I bought jeans without elastic, because I was sooooooooo tired, of the dance.

I gave up the dance, and now I have .... other issues. However, I will say this... I DID NOT HAVE TO DO THE DANCE... there was never a moment when the hip high pants strayed lower than hips. However, the other result of being bound in denim that won't give is.....the overhang. You gotta wear a nice big t-shirt.

OH YES, my friends... I am a walking advertisement for why we have shows like: WHAT NOT TO WEAR. However, I do try to come across like... I have better clothes, I just don't feel like wearing them. How do I achieve this unspoken eloquence... Why, the 14 carat cubic-zarconia diamond earrings I wear! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH My fake Coach postal carrier type bag and who can forget tan fuzzy sketchers that are so ugly they are fashionable... put it all together with my over sized "EAT SPAM" T-shirt and I'm a super model on a day off ... slumming in the burbs.....

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Yes.... I do lead a rich imaginary life!

By the way, The rating of OFFH is Over Forty Female Humor!

have a great day